‘You Never Can Tell’ lyrics

You can tell about the weather if it’s going to rain or shine
You can play the odds in poker and you’re apt to do just fine
You may guess at whether Netflix will renew your favorite show
But to figure out your players is to never, ever know

The trouble is you can’t tell what they want from a campaign
And what they want tomorrow isn’t what they want today
You give them hard encounters, why you’ll only make them mad
And if you do the opposite you’re sure to get in bad

For you never can tell about your players
What gonzo sort of stunt they’ll try today
You think that they’ll battle the skeleton mage
But they’d rather make him their valet

You’re never certain that they like your dungeons
You’re often very certain that they don’t
GMs may fancy still that they have the strongest will
But the players have the strongest “won’t”